Things I never thought working at festivals would teach me:

* Where guns and knives are most commonly hidden (socks, jeans, lower leg, bags)

* What's a good whiskey and what's not (hint: Jack Daniels - not. Not at all.)

* Bellydancing

* Water has to be over 70 deg Celsius to kill bacteria

* Breathing exercises (Don't kill the singer, just breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth and find the vegan, eco-friendly, fair trade strings for his fucking guitar.)

* There is a drink made from equal parts red wine and cola.

* Said drink doesn't taste as horrible as you would think.

* How easy it really is to sneak into a backstage area (and how to politely escort the lucky ones out again... and again... and again...).

* What the best American candy is. (M&Ms with a pretzel centre. This was the result of an hour long discussion at a metal festival I worked at.)

* How to best nail a sheep's head to a pole (Icky details: you have to do it while the head is frozen. If it thaws, it will go SPLAT all over the walls, floor and you. If it's frozen, it will look good. At least until it thaws, when it might start to drip.)

* What different metal singers use to make it look like they are covered in blood, and the pros and cons, like how hard they are to wash up from the floor, off your hands and out of your clothes.

• Pig's blood - smells horrible, can cook under the lights from the stage, easy to get off the floor, walls, sink and your skin, hard to get out of clothes. Most popular in the Bergen metal scene.

• Store bought fake blood - you hands will be dyed red to the day you die. If you were blonde before, you are now a ginger. If you got some on the floor, you will have to paint the floor. If you got it on your skin, just nod and smile to all those who asks if you've been out picking blueberries. The truth is not an option!

• Home made fake blood - often smells chocolatey, tastes ok and still looks cool if you drink it and spit it on the audience (but it does tip the audience on that it's not real). Quite easy to get off, and even if you don't get it completely off your clothes, it doesn't look like blood so you're spared the most awkward questions. Why not more metal bands use this is a conundrum to me. Probably because it contains chocolate, and chocolate is not metal.

• Theatre blood - the perfect blood. Easy to clean, looks real at all times, doesn't cook under the lights (although it may harden, which makes it impossible to clean off clothes).